Guest Blogger: Dr. Laurie Appel, Psychologist and host of “You Think You’ve Got Issues” podcast (available on iTunes and most podcast apps) talks about balance in your marriage. How to keep your marriage in the black. Dr. Appel is a guest blogger for Bella Angel.
Marriage and Keeping Your Accounts in The Black
Marriage is like a bank account. Good times are like “deposits” in the bank. Fights and tension are like “withdrawals.” Every marriage has deposits and withdrawals. If a marriage is in the “black,” it can afford the occasional minor withdrawal (a small disagreement). Even the infrequent major withdrawal (a major blow out fight) without dipping into the “red.”
Don’t End Up in a Debit Situation
However, if the fights are often and the good times rare, couples can end up in a debit situation. Then, it becomes hard to get back to a zero balance, much less in the “black.” So, how does a debit situation occur? Usually, when couples start out, they spend their time making deposits. Sharing thoughts, dreams, and experiences. They envision a future together. They build physical and emotional intimacies. But over time, other responsibilities take over. Home ownership, kids, jobs, and other realities of life. These things can limit the amount of time a couple has to build up a marital savings. This can chip away at the balance. Meanwhile, the minor and major arguments that occur in every marriage push that balance down. And when that occurs, couples may do the very things that create more withdrawals. Like avoiding each other or arguing over petty things.
Resentments can build, and become constant withdrawals from your account. That is why it is so important to keep an eye on your marital account. Couples need to work on resolving differences early. If not, resentments build and chip away at your balance. It’s also important to make time for joyful and intimate experiences. Because, once the balance dips into the negative, even attempts at deposits with “date nights” can end up in arguments and more withdrawals.
Basically, all relationships need deposits of joy and connection. Marriage is undoubtedly the most important of one’s relationships. So, it is especially important to keep your eye on your marital bank account balance!